I fell like im starving!!!! I have been tired of the struggle for a while. I want to eat!!! What i mean by this is , i am ready for so many changes, but no means to make the changes. Well not over night, i know that being in collage will open doors, and expose me to a new world, but as for today, and tomarrow, im starving!!! I love my kids to the ends of the earth, there is nothing i would not do for them. Im just feeling like im waisting time. I feel like i could and should do more for all of us. I make myself crazy thinking of options that could lift us out the struggle. What can i do so that my kids feel that they have what they think other kids have. Like a father, or a grandma, an uncle........ Yes, i am one to know that that life is not fair! But are they going to grow up with a voidd in there life, or will this make them stronger, am i alone enough? Im sorry that i sound so negitive, i want to be one that sounds strong, and keep my readers lifted, but the truth is, if your grown enough to think about our current life, then i have to think about the furture. I also know this year has been hard, and this time of the year is always stressfull. It does not feel like Christmas, i have never hit up so many foodbanks in my life. Kids talkn about Santa, writting there letters to send off, me scared of the disappointment. Thinking of a master plan for all the time they will be out of school. How creative can i get? I Thank God, never think i am ungreatfull, I just dont see how there will be change if im doing the same thing every day. I remember when we were eating apples an oranges. Now i dont eat so that there tummies are full. The disappointment in bla food, and no fruit, or anything tasty, :( Thats when as a parent, i feel like im failing!!! Thanks for hearing me vent!!! Love God, And remember as my Dad use to say, You cant drive a parked car>>> Jess
